Can we be more intentional with our energy?
“Self care is the foundation to our health. Otherwise, we are building our house on a sand bar”. (John B. Arden)
So! What an interesting time to live. And what an interesting time to find out a little bit more about ourselves. With more opportunity, for many of us, to have a bit more autonomy in relation to how we will choose to live each day, we are finding some curious things out about ourselves, and the choices we make. Where we used to be quite programmed, and find the day was filled without much forethought, now some of the space that used to be lost to travel, for example, is available. Have we got a wish list of things we would like to do with that time? Do we fiercely protect that space to ensure that some of those treats (or noble intentions) get air time? Or do we get to the end of the day, and think “Damn it! I let work overtake those extra hours again!”
Clearly, there are so many difficulties about this moment in time. The challenges are enormous, and for some, the long term impacts are going to be significant. I am not, in any way, wishing to dismiss what is happening. I do, however, want us to take the opportunity to check in on ourselves. To re-assess what we are doing. And thinking. And how we are living. This is a time for us to take stock, and notice things more consciously. The choices we make, particularly those we make without being so aware.
I am a big one for lists. I love to create them. And I notice that I seem to prefer putting a list together to doing some of the things on them. Not proud of this. Just sharing. I also seem to have far greater faith in the me of the future (that is Future Jenny). My lists will have good things on them. Highly aspirational things. For me to do. In the future. Typically tomorrow. As I write my list, I note that I don’t expect nearly as much of myself right now (after all, I am writing a list; so clearly I cannot do any of these highly aspirational things that are on my list at the same time). Yet Future Jenny-gosh I have so much faith in her. She is so much more capable than Current Jenny.
Then tomorrow comes.
My list. It has many things on it. Some will take half an hour. Some will take many hours. Some of them are easy to do. Some are hard. Some are boring. Some are downright unattractive. No one, in their right mind, would want to do some of these items. Some may have no end. And some are just ridiculous.
Yet there they are.
What happens to my energy as I contemplate this list? It takes an enormous nose dive. And with it, my respect for Past Jenny goes out the window. But unfortunately, my belief in myself right now, also takes a massive hit. And with that, I am at risk of experiencing another day where I don’t consciously approach it and use it well. Because I have sabotaged myself before I have begun. Typically, I either choose something on my list which will give me a quick “sugar hit”, because it is easy, attractive or can be knocked off fast, so that at least I can get the satisfaction of ticking something off, or I will go and do something else that isn’t even on the list, but is easy for me to do and to justify. Has anything on that list, which was significant and meaningful been addressed? Or is it at risk of being relegated to tomorrow’s list for Future Jenny – that wunderkind – to attempt? And if that is the case, will I be setting myself up for yet another pattern of reduced self-belief and a day not well spent?
This is a habit. It has been entrenched over many years. If COVID hadn’t stopped me (all of us) in our tracks, there was a very real possibility that I could have continued with this habit indefinitely, with the resulting erosion to both my sense of self and my productivity.
However the space and time created has enabled me to come face to face with this particular habit. Now I am more conscious of it, I am not comfortable to keep it.
I think I could make some better choices and I intend to.
Stay safe
Jenny McKay
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